I am Christine Amagove and this is my story.
When I look at my life, I can only give glory to my God. What a wonderful God I serve. One who redeems, heals and restores.
The fact that I am sharing my testimony is a testimony in itself.
I never imagined being so transparent, vulnerable and open with strangers. I used to have a huge wall around me, as a form of protection.
It was a challenge for me to set boundaries, so the easiest way to handle relationships/connections was if I would just keep people at a distance. My strategy was that I would keep them close enough for them to feel okay, but far enough for me to be safe.
It all started when my purity and innocence was taken away at a young age because of sexual abuse. The person who abused me threatened that if I would ever share it with someone else, big consequences would happen. I was afraid of the consequences so I decided to stay silent and pretend it never happened. I explain to people that the abuse was an open door for the enemy who stole my voice, my opinion, my dreams and desires, my worth and dignity. Abuse does great damage physically, mentally and emotionally. It is very painful and very confusing. It feels as if the connection between your brain and heart are severed. As if my body is not part of me, it does not belong to me, but to someone else, who took the ownership of it by violating me.
At the same time I thank the Lord that He created me with the ability, passion and talent to dance. Dance was my secret place before I met the Lord. Dance was a way I could share my innermost thoughts, feelings and desires, without being violated. I thank the Lord for this gift, it was a safe place in times of need. And a steady place in which I could experience a tiny glimpse of hope. I started dancing at the age of 8. I remember people complimenting me about the way I danced. When family and friends came to see a performance they always said that they were touched by the way I moved. I could see something, I could feel something - was a sentence I heard alot when the audience tried to explain what they saw in me.
It always humbled me when people gave these beautiful and loving compliments.
They did not know what the intention was behind my movements. That was a secret between me and the dance.
They didn't know that I was dancing from a place of grief and loneliness; when my mother was taken away from me at a young age, and I could not see her any more.
They didn't know that I was dancing from a place where my body was used for sexual wickedness by someone whom I was supposed to trust.
They didn't know that I was dancing from a place of pain; not knowing how to handle all the trauma which developed bulimia nervosa.
They didn't know I was dancing from a place of rejection and abandonment; a teenager who had to leave home at 14, and live in foster care and youth care because of lots of tension and disharmony back home.
They didn't know that I was dancing from a place of struggle and fighting to keep on breathing, while I was slowly suffocating from depression and suicidal thoughts.
They didn't know that I was dancing from a place of desperation and unworthiness; while I was working as a prostitute in secret to handle my financial needs.
They didnt know that I was dancing from a place of hurt taking so much alcohol so that I could numb all the pain, stress, worry and sadness of the realitiy of life.
But it was there where Jesus Christ met me. At the place where I felt the most unworthy.
There he told me that he always knew me, and loved me so much.
I find it intriguing that Jesus chose to meet me while I was selling my body.
Just as the Samaritan woman experienced when she met Jesus at the well.
His love is a power that resurrected my soul.
In the season of healing, deliverance and restoration I spent a lot of time with Jesus. I always say that when I invited Jesus in my heart and life, I specifically invited him in my whole body. I prayed for forgiveness and the grace to forgive.
I remember asking him to restore as a heart surgeon would every part of my body. From the inside out. Lord please restore every damage of abuse and all sexual damage from working in the prostitution for 10 years.
He did it.
I asked him to make me whole and new.
I asked him to renew every memory both mental, emotional and physical.
I spend a lot of time praying and worshiping.
And I could not stop reading the bible.
I too found the well I was longing for.
It is 4 years ago that I met the Lord and dedicated my life to Him.
God is faithful, loving, kind, patient and very Mighty.
There is literally nothing that God can not do.
God is my Father, my Abba.
I thank Him for Jesus, who is the Lover of my soul.
The Guardian of my soul.
My favorite dance Partner
The love of Jesus is a power that resurrected my soul.
Follow @christine.amagove
Uzima Dance Program - Helping women heal from trauma through dance
"Uzima" means whole/alive in Swahili.
Uzima is a safe, loving and warm space where women from all walks of life are able to go through the process of deep inner healing, deliverance and restoration from traumatic experiences. Within Uzima there is space made to be vulnerable and pure in the things that we go through. Vulnerability is a strength where the love of the Father can flow. Become whole and alive.
